Stop “Should-ing” All Over Your Success
The Language Shift That Changes Everything
Here we are… we made it through January (whew!) and are into February. Those goals that felt exhilarating and new just a few weeks ago are starting to feel a lot like obligations. The New Year resolution adrenaline has worn off, and we’re left with a long list of tasks that feel more like a heavy backpack than a launchpad. It’s that familiar, heavy refrain:
“I have to prep for the exec review, I should manage this conflict, I need to get this done so I can make it to the soccer game.”
I have to…
I need to…
I’ve got to…
I must…
I should…
This language turns choice into obligation. It drains joy from things we once wanted. It frames leadership as burden instead of earned responsibility.
The Shift
Recently, I caught myself doing exactly this.
I was connecting with friends I hadn’t seen in a while, catching up on life during a particularly busy season. I found myself sharing exciting work opportunities and a bunch of events and travel coming up to support my kids. It was a lot… and it came out as sort of a laundry list of everything hitting at once.
My friend stopped me and said something like, “Ugh… do you really have to do all of that?”
I took a beat, caught myself, and said: “Yes. I get to do all of it.”
It was such a powerful moment to stop, reflect, and realize… wow, what an opportunity to have exciting work opportunities AND to be able to figure out ways to show up for my kids.
I realized that the “have to” or “should” mentality turns choice into obligation. It drains joy from the things we once aspired to. It frames leadership as a burden instead of an earned responsibility.
We often complain about the very things we once dreamed of and then worked so hard to achieve.
Two Things Can Be True at the Same Time
You can feel the weight of everything AND feel the excitement.
You can be exhausted AND grateful.
You can want a break AND recognize the privilege.
“I get to” mentality underscores agency and ownership. It’s empowering. When we say “I have to,” we are victims of our schedules. When we say “I get to,” we are the CEOs of our lives.
We’re choosing to lead from ownership instead of obligation.
We’re intentionally choosing the lens we lead from.
We’re remembering how we earned this seat.
Pressure is a Privilege
Tennis icon Billie Jean King has a famous quote: “Pressure is a privilege, and champions adjust.”
High-pressure situations—like those you “get to” experience as a leader—are opportunities you have earned. Someone (likely many people–including yourself!) believed in you enough to put you here. There was a time when you were on the sidelines watching others do exactly what you’re doing now, dreaming of your chance. Remember what it felt like to think, “Put me in, coach!”
You earned this seat. You earned the opportunity to lead, to give that big presentation, to drive that strategic effort.
The pressure you feel isn’t a burden, it’s proof of your influence. Pressure only exists where there’s opportunity for impact. If no one expected anything of you, there would be no pressure.
Champions don’t avoid the big moments, they show up for them. Not because they’re fearless, but because they recognize the opportunity. You’re in the big leagues now. Celebrate that. Own it.
The Strategy: How to Audit Your Language
To move from obligation to ownership, try this three step audit:
Catch it: Notice when you say “I should” or “I need to.”
(“I have to prep for the big exec review meeting.”)
Flip it: Literally say “I get to” out loud.
(”I get to present our team’s work to the executive team.”)
Trace it: Why do you “get to”?
(”I get to do this because I’ve built a team that trusts me to represent our work at the highest level.”)
The third step is crucial. It reconnects you to the reason you have the opportunity in the first place.
Where This Reframe Has Limits
“I Get To” isn’t an excuse to say yes to everything. It’s not a ticket to erase or blur your boundaries. It’s a tool to appreciate what you’ve chosen to keep on your plate.
If you can’t find a way to say “I get to” about a task, maybe that’s a sign it’s time to delegate or delete it. This reframe is most powerful for the work that matters to you but has started to feel like a drag. But if you try to reframe something and it still feels wrong? Listen to that. Not everything deserves to be a “get to”.
Finding Your “I Get To”
Were are you saying “I have to” this week?
What changes if you try “I get to” instead?
Your turn: What’s one thing on your list this week that feels like a “have to” but is actually a “get to”? I’d love to hear how you reframe it in the comments.
Leadership isn’t just about what we carry—it’s about how we carry it.
This year, I’m paying attention not just to my goals, but to the language I use as I move toward them. What will you pay attention to?
Remember, you are the one holding the tools. Every time you reframe an obligation into an opportunity, you are making progress. Keep carving your path–honoring both the weight of the work and the privilege of the seat you’ve earned.
I’m Tracy, a leadership coach for women in tech who are navigating the balance between dedicated careers and full lives. Through Carving Her Path, I share frameworks, stories, and strategies for leading with intention—because your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
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I sure needed this mind set shift today! Thank you! It’s perfect!!