The Ratio That Really Matters
A better way to measure whether you’re actually growing
Have you ever had one of those days where you wondered whether you were completely in over your head? Where, as you are working hard toward the next big thing, you find yourself flailing?
You missed the mark on a big presentation.
A key conversation didn’t land. Or didn’t even get off the ground.
A project felt so much bigger than you expected.
You start wondering:
Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.
I know this feeling well.
I’ve felt it preparing for presentations that mattered. Launching something new in my business. Even training for races that seemed beyond what I thought I could do.
Every time, the same question creeps in:
Who did I think I was to believe I could do this?
Years ago, I read Alexi Pappas’ book Bravey: Chasing Dreams, Befriending Pain, and Other Big Ideas which is an amazing memoir from an Olympic long distance runner sharing key moments and lessons in her life. Her “Rule of Thirds” about chasing big goals stuck out to me, and is something that I come back to:
“It’s called the Rule of Thirds. When you’re chasing a big goal, you’re supposed to feel good a third of the time, okay a third of the time, and crappy a third of the time. If the ratio is off and you feel good all the time, then you’re not pushing yourself enough. Likewise, if you feel bad all the time, then you might be fatigued and need to dial things back.”
Alexi Pappas from Bravey, video link here.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized this isn’t just true of running. Or just for Olympians.
It’s true of leadership.
It’s true of career transitions.
It’s true of building confidence.
It’s true of any big, meaningful goal we pursue.
The three “zones” of a healthy growth season
When you are in a season of pushing yourself toward something new, something big, something unknown, you inevitably will find yourself in three “zones”:
Expansion
There are days when everything clicks. You walk out of a meeting thinking, I handled that well. You feel energized, ideas are flowing, and opportunities seem to appear everywhere. You exude the “I am on fire!” feeling. You accomplish something that would have intimidated you six months ago. You are seeing evidence that you are becoming the leader you hoped you could be.
This is the Expansion Zone.
Gift: Confidence. You begin to see and believe in what’s possible.
Risk: Believing growth should always feel this good.
Reminder: Celebrate these moments, but don’t expect it to last forever.
Foundation
Then there are days when things feel… ordinary. Nothing remarkable happens. Your meetings, projects, routines simply chug along. Growth feels invisible. You are putting in the work, reinforcing skills, and adding bricks to your foundation, even if it feels boring and not very exciting.
This is the Foundation Zone.
Gift: Consistency. This is where lasting capability is built.
Risk: Misinterpreting quiet, steady progress for no progress.
Reminder: Just because growth isn’t obvious doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
Uncertainty
And then there are the days where you are stretching, trying things, and getting pushed back. You feel uncomfortable. Rejected. Unsure of yourself. You wonder if everyone else has it figured out except you. Imposter syndrome starts rearing its ugly head, making you think you aren’t ready (and maybe never will be).
This is the Uncertainty Zone.
Gift: Growth. You are operating at the edge of your current capability.
Risk: Assuming discomfort means you’ve chosen the wrong goal.
Reminder: Don’t confuse uncertainty with inability.
The key insight
The ratio matters more than the individual feeling, or moment or day.
One terrible meeting tells you nothing.
Three months of panic tells you something.
Three years of comfort tells you something.
The mistake isn’t experiencing uncertainty.
The mistake is expecting a meaningful goal to feel like the Expansion Zone all the time.
Of course we want to live in the Expansion Zone all the time. We want every presentation to go well, every conversation to build our confidence, every stretch assignment to leave us feeling energized. But if that were true all the time, you probably wouldn’t be stretching very much at all.
Your internal gauge and calibration
What if you took the Rule of Thirds as your internal gauge and calibration tool?
If most of your days feel comfortable…
Ask yourself: what challenge have you been avoiding?
You need to raise the bar and expectation for yourself. You are not in a position to grow meaningfully.
If most of your days feel overwhelming, with too much discomfort or uncertainty or utter panic…
Ask yourself: where do you need more recovery, support or patience?
You need to give yourself grace, find different ways to push and grow.
If you are experiencing a good mix of all three…
Congratulations. You are exactly where growth happens.
Those days and moments where you are experiencing discomfort, what is it telling you? What can you learn from that? What can you experiment or try next time?
The goal isn’t to eliminate the discomfort. The goal is to interpret it correctly and learn from it.
Discomfort isn’t something you run from. Our instinct is often to retreat. To decide we aren’t ready after all, or circle in that zone of not believing in yourself. Instead, that’s where growth begins. It’s something you embrace and learn from. And the Rule of Thirds helps us realize that the mix of all three of these is important to fuel longer term growth.
I still need this reminder. Whenever I take on something new like a new coaching offering, facilitating a room of senior leaders, training for a race, I still have days where I wonder whether I’m in over my head.
The difference now is that I no longer immediately assume I’m failing. Sometimes it simply means I’m growing.
Check Your Gauge
What if the goal isn’t to feel confident all the time?
What if the goal is to build a life where expansion, uncertainty, and steady foundational progress all have a place?
Maybe growth isn’t about eliminating discomfort.
Maybe it’s about recognizing when discomfort is telling you exactly what you need to hear.
The next time you have one of those days where the presentation that doesn’t land, the conversation that leaves you second-guessing yourself, the stretch assignment that feels just beyond your reach, don’t ask, “What’s wrong with me?”
Ask instead:
“What third am I in today?”
Then zoom out. Look at your last month, not just today. Where’s your ratio actually landing? If you are not sure, that’s worth noticing too.
That’s the work. Not chasing the good third harder. Learning to trust the ratio.